When All is Not Merry

Your Mental Health & the Holidays

For many, the now famous words of crooner Bing Crosby heralds the beginning of the holiday season:

 “City sidewalks, busy sidewalks, dressed in holiday style;

In the air, there’s a feeling of Christmas

Children laughing, people passing

Meeting smile after smile…”

But what if this holiday jingle and anticipation of family gatherings and social events brings  feelings of anxiety and dread rather than holiday cheer?  For many, the holiday season is a reminder of family conflict, relationship breakdowns, estrangement, financial stress, grief and loss.  

When the holiday season amplifies the reality that all is not merry; it’s natural to feel:

• Anxiety

• Dread

• Worry

• Sadness

• Depression

• Frustration and 

• Anger and other not so cheery emotions.

It’s natural to want to:

• Avoid planning

• Avoid thinking about the loss(es)

• Suppress the heavy emotions

• Experience increased conflict

• Isolate oneself

It may feel overwhelming to be surrounded by all the chaos and noise. Here are a few suggestions to cope with holiday blues:

Validate: It’s important to begin with validating your experience.  It’s okay and necessary to acknowledge that family gatherings and social events are difficult.  It’s self-validating to express sadness at the loss of relationships whether due to conflict or the passing of a loved one. Your needs matter, so give yourself permission to do what is best for you.

Reflect: Take some time to sit with your emotions.  Your emotions are messengers to help guide you to your next steps. Consider what would make this holiday season meaningful for you.

• Do you need more time alone and away from the busyness?

• Are there healthy boundaries that you can verbalize and follow up with actions?

• Consider creating a budget for gift-giving or making homemade gifts.

• Create new traditions that honour the loved ones who you carry in your memories.

Connect: Work to find a balance between connection with a safe community of friends and family and taking time to regroup and refresh.  You may need to decline some invitations to preserve your emotional and physical energy.

• Consider joining a Peer support group with folks who are going through similar experiences.

• Schedule sessions with a professional. Therapy is a safe, non-judgemental space to process your grief and loss.

Holidays can be heart-warming and heart-breaking and taking care navigating your mental health is important.  Taking time to acknowledge the reality of both in your season of life is part of the healing journey. Even though all may not be merry, it can be meaningful with time, intention and safe supports.